I got to the clinic last night for my appointment only to find the Dr walking out of the building... he thought I wasn't coming! Clearly a lack of communication btn him and his secretary. Anyway, Keith got there too and I stared at the ants on the white ceiling while he tried to turn the baby to somersault down-wards. He told me a month ago he didn't think it would work becuase there is not enough fluid.. and it didn't. Baby didn't budge an inch. I was more afraid than sore from the procedure. He immediately checked the heart rate and it had gone to 167bpm. Webblet quickly settled down after that and I went for a precautionary NST. It was perfect, no stress seemed to have been passed onto babe - but I WAS stressed after the c-sect discussion and all the things that I need to be prepared for going wrong. I felt disappointed and sad that I was sitting in the lovely Genesis clinic where I want to have this baby, for the test, and hearing the newborns crying in the other rooms, knowing that I will most likely be having the c-sect next week in a hospital. Yes, I hate having my expectations messed up. And I have time - a week at least, to get used to the idea.
To put things in perspective I got a message from my SIL saying that like a wedding day, the birth day is just the beginning of the journey. It's not really about me, it's about bringing into the world this child in a safe manner. Yes, I want to experience natural childbirth and I may still get to do that if I have another baby. There are many positives - the baby is full-term and looking healthy and a good weight (about 2.5kg's!), I'm in safe hands with the team for the c-sect. I have a lot of support. My goal now is to be in a positive frame of mind and not emotionally distraught that my plan of natural is not going to happen. Although I'm going to give the baby another chance to turn with one last alternative remedy this evening....
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
Nearing the end
So I officially have 19 days to go... I'm nervous. I'm also annoyed that I've only started to slow down now because last week I slipped a disc in my back and I really couldn't walk. So I can't even do normal grocery shopping. Thank goodness I went shopping for baby stuff with my Mum and George the day before I hurt my back - so all has worked out pretty well. There are still things I need - but nothing so urgent that I can't live without it.
Keith is being amazing - and I think sometimes it is harder for me having him run around me, do the shopping, washing, hanging, bed-making etc than it is for him to do it. I feel guilty...
Anyway this afternoon whilst waiting for the gynae appointment we went through everything in the baby's room and sorted it all out. He wants to know the 'system' or 'my system' (which is non-existent!) so he can help with the webblet. He's going to be a great Dad and I am SO telling myself not to be pedantic and let him do whatever he can without saying... NO, not like that, like THIS!
I have so much to write - and it's all jumbled but here goes with some major themes ...
THE BATH: so we have not bought a bath because we can't agree or figure out how this all works. If baby is so small, can't it just fit into my laundry tub? We just figured out it can sit neatly between our two basins which are at a lovely height so as not to hurt either of our backs, so this will probably be how webblet will be washed initially. I also foresee that we won't be washing the 'whole' baby everyday - so I'm not going to buy the whole plastic basin on a stand thing. The spare bathroom which will be webblets is not big either. So I think this is a good interim solution until webblet goes into the 'big bath'. Hopefully Dad will actually get into water first and I can get him to bath webblet when he/she is a bit bigger.
THE PRAM: we have been donated a car seat - I fought with it on the first go. We don't know if it is necessary yet to have a car seat that fits into a pram. I kindof agree that it would not be great for baby to spend a lot of time asleep upright in the car seat, so waking webblet up to move from car to cot shouldn't be the end of the world.... we'll see! So as yet, no purchases on this front.
THE BREECH BABY:
This so boring now talking about this, as webblet has been breech for weeks. 3 weeks ago I started doing the crawling around thing (probably had something to do with my back too!) and I was still walking a lot in the evenings and being very active. I was so active I hung over the edge of the bath to wash all the mattresses and bits and pieces that we were given that couldn't go in the machine.. that I probably tore that cartilidge or 'disc' which is what is inflammed and now demoted me to a mere hop along. Up until last week Pregnancy was a 'walk in the park' - okay apart from the morning sickness which I'm grateful did not hang around for too long. I know this baby, it doesn't see the point in being upside down for weeks. I think if nature were to take it's course, that webblet would turn at the last minute. Gynaes are way to cautious for nature so I don't think I'll be allowed to get to this point. Dr M says that the success of him performing the ECV on me is low due to the amniotic fluid having pooled at one end around baby, rather than there being an even bath of fluid around the baby. So this afternoon's aptment was postponed til tomorrow evening, so I won't know what the plan is til then . I got a bit hopeful last night that webblet might be performing somersault tricks as I woke up with a lot of kicking and pain in my side... but I'm sure I'm still feeling this hard little head up here near my lungs.... sigh.
HYPNO THERAPY
My lovely yoga lady did an hour long session with me. I don't feel comfortable about being hypnotised. At Varsity we had Andre the hpynotist put on a 'show'. I always looked at fellow students who volunteered for hypnosis 'for our entertainment' as being slightly altered afterwards. I just felt their eyes looked weird... spooky.. I did not feel comfortable with it. So with this in mind, I never wanted to feel like I'm being hypnotised or put under some spell... :-) It just felt like a deep relaxation with me working at visualising different things. The only point worth mentioning is that at the time I was conciously and internally 'speaking' to webblet to somersault - I had major movement going on inside. I can picture this little voice, "No, not now mama, I'm having way too much fun just the way I am".
WORK STRESS
just my luck, that installations don't go smoothly or things can't get wrapped up. I HATE loose ends. I just cannot relax knowing there are things on my list. So this has been a real challenge for me. I do what I can in the morning and then I know I've done what I can then I SHOULD switch off my brain and chill . Not easy, and I can't do it. It's not how I'm wired. Fortunately I have a handful of things left...
Keith is being amazing - and I think sometimes it is harder for me having him run around me, do the shopping, washing, hanging, bed-making etc than it is for him to do it. I feel guilty...
Anyway this afternoon whilst waiting for the gynae appointment we went through everything in the baby's room and sorted it all out. He wants to know the 'system' or 'my system' (which is non-existent!) so he can help with the webblet. He's going to be a great Dad and I am SO telling myself not to be pedantic and let him do whatever he can without saying... NO, not like that, like THIS!
I have so much to write - and it's all jumbled but here goes with some major themes ...
THE BATH: so we have not bought a bath because we can't agree or figure out how this all works. If baby is so small, can't it just fit into my laundry tub? We just figured out it can sit neatly between our two basins which are at a lovely height so as not to hurt either of our backs, so this will probably be how webblet will be washed initially. I also foresee that we won't be washing the 'whole' baby everyday - so I'm not going to buy the whole plastic basin on a stand thing. The spare bathroom which will be webblets is not big either. So I think this is a good interim solution until webblet goes into the 'big bath'. Hopefully Dad will actually get into water first and I can get him to bath webblet when he/she is a bit bigger.
THE PRAM: we have been donated a car seat - I fought with it on the first go. We don't know if it is necessary yet to have a car seat that fits into a pram. I kindof agree that it would not be great for baby to spend a lot of time asleep upright in the car seat, so waking webblet up to move from car to cot shouldn't be the end of the world.... we'll see! So as yet, no purchases on this front.
THE BREECH BABY:
This so boring now talking about this, as webblet has been breech for weeks. 3 weeks ago I started doing the crawling around thing (probably had something to do with my back too!) and I was still walking a lot in the evenings and being very active. I was so active I hung over the edge of the bath to wash all the mattresses and bits and pieces that we were given that couldn't go in the machine.. that I probably tore that cartilidge or 'disc' which is what is inflammed and now demoted me to a mere hop along. Up until last week Pregnancy was a 'walk in the park' - okay apart from the morning sickness which I'm grateful did not hang around for too long. I know this baby, it doesn't see the point in being upside down for weeks. I think if nature were to take it's course, that webblet would turn at the last minute. Gynaes are way to cautious for nature so I don't think I'll be allowed to get to this point. Dr M says that the success of him performing the ECV on me is low due to the amniotic fluid having pooled at one end around baby, rather than there being an even bath of fluid around the baby. So this afternoon's aptment was postponed til tomorrow evening, so I won't know what the plan is til then . I got a bit hopeful last night that webblet might be performing somersault tricks as I woke up with a lot of kicking and pain in my side... but I'm sure I'm still feeling this hard little head up here near my lungs.... sigh.
HYPNO THERAPY
My lovely yoga lady did an hour long session with me. I don't feel comfortable about being hypnotised. At Varsity we had Andre the hpynotist put on a 'show'. I always looked at fellow students who volunteered for hypnosis 'for our entertainment' as being slightly altered afterwards. I just felt their eyes looked weird... spooky.. I did not feel comfortable with it. So with this in mind, I never wanted to feel like I'm being hypnotised or put under some spell... :-) It just felt like a deep relaxation with me working at visualising different things. The only point worth mentioning is that at the time I was conciously and internally 'speaking' to webblet to somersault - I had major movement going on inside. I can picture this little voice, "No, not now mama, I'm having way too much fun just the way I am".
WORK STRESS
just my luck, that installations don't go smoothly or things can't get wrapped up. I HATE loose ends. I just cannot relax knowing there are things on my list. So this has been a real challenge for me. I do what I can in the morning and then I know I've done what I can then I SHOULD switch off my brain and chill . Not easy, and I can't do it. It's not how I'm wired. Fortunately I have a handful of things left...
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