It's getting more challenging...

with a baby. I enjoyed the first 3 months once I'd started getting full nights of sleep. But now I'm much more stressed. I'm not sure if is post pregnancy hormones kicking in or having too much on my plate, or just certain events which I can't control that trigger it. Last week I had a wobbly - lucky my Mom was with me and she could take over. I had just flown back with her from Durban to Jhb the day before after spending a week on the farm (remind me never to fly 1 time again - the flight was cancelled and we were stuck for an unknown lenght of time in a muggy airport with a 4 month old). D was soooo well behaved, thank goodness. It helps having a baby, we got a flight out that evening, but it messed up all my taxi plans, and we ended up on Plan D - Keith had to fetch us. So anyway, he was so well behaved in fact that on the 'wobbly' day Mom and I decided to take D with us Christmas shopping. All went well with baby, I found a quiet booth to feed him at Mugg and Bean. All was going well until the waiter messed up my food order and I was starving, I was battling to load air-time on my cellphone and remember 16 digit nr's (why don't they make it easy?), mentally trying to figure out how to fit in all the shopping, and my stomach was in knots about a client job that wasn't going too well. I think having 100 emails waiting for me at home in my inbox was another stressful thing on my brain. I won't forget the scathing looks from the other tables when I wrenched David out of his pram (he was screaming), yelled at him to shut up and stormed out of the restaurant. My Mom rescued me, took him for a walk and I finished my lunch in peace and went to find her. I couldn't understand why my handbag was 'raining', until I realised I had put in the bottled water without screwing the cap on tightly. Ha, when it rains - it pours!



My amazing Mom - with David

Silly Season

I'm all partied out... At this time of the year the social engagements are crammed in before the end of the year and I find I'm looking forward to some quiet time alone. David on the other hand adores parties and being out and about. He's happy so long as he's got someone ogling over him or cooing in his ear. Here are some pics of my sweet nieces at their "Princess Birthday Party". David was the thorn amongst the roses, and he just LOVED it. Birthday Girl Shannon

Taylor

The downside of having a website for my business

I've recently started 'work' again. I love my boy, but I can't stare at his beautiful face ALL the time. I also love my work and I worked hard to start my business, and I don't want it to just fade away now that I have another priority . I feel I can do both :-) happily, with the help of Jermina.

So this brings me to some strange e-mails that I get from 'potential clients'. First off, the language was in the same style as those e-mails requesting you to help pay some poor chap whose funds are tied up overseas. You know the ones written by Nigerian scam operators. (I can't believe some people fall for this stuff).

Now am I just displaying overtly cautious behaviour or do you smell a rat too?

"Kevin is my good friend and a real estate agent.. He is a good friend indeed and have really been of good help. He presently has the key to the house and will hand over the key to you for the decorations to enable you have a clear picture of the project before commencing but i will make a deposit to enable you round up arrangement to visit the project site and get back to me with accurate estimate/detail of what to do"

This 'client' wanted to know whether it was okay if I accept credit cards as he is on an oil rig and moving to SA with his family who is in Aus. I've NEVER had a client who blatantly wants to 'brag' about the house/that it is paid for (why do I care?) and talk about paying me before I've even briefed them.

So I'm interested, if this is genuine, I've already said No, but if it wasn't, how would I have been had? I can only guess they would have paid me a large sum of money and then something goes wrong and I have to pay them back. But none of the money is genuine... except for mine.

Cradle cap cures?

David has a bad case of this flaky dandruff. That's how it started out but now it is forming little red ridges and crusts. I don't know if I've made it worse by softening with oil and then scraping off with a fine comb? To me it looks less like cradle cap and more like psorriasis, which I suffer from. I've decided to leave it for a while and see if it improves on it's own. Baby clinic staff told me to use Betadine Shampoo or some mild cortisone application. I could not get any cortisone as the pharmacist said I need a script nor could I find the special shampoo at Clicks... but would like to try it. That brings me to the question of how often should I be washing his hair?

My other baby - the furry one!

Texas is a Maine Coon - the largest domestic cat breed. Keith and I couldn't agree on a dog breed so we just got the biggest cat you could get. And she lives up to her label of 'bird dog'. She waits at the gate for us and is very much a 'lap' cat. No ice queen this one - she is in my face ALL the time - except when she's hunting anything that moves in our small garden or curled up somewhere cozy.

Nervous Ninnies

My DH has a nail-biting habit that is driving me NUTS. Only nervous ninnies bite their fingers, not professional business men in smart suits. I made him promise (which isn't fair of me) to stop this habit by the time David was born... Okay, maybe I'm manipulative but I was hoping that this would be an incentive you see. He's been chewing them for years and it's been getting progressively worse. I don't want D to learn how to chew his nails from his father. You may think this is minor, and it is. But you have never seen such shocking nail bitten fingers as DH's. Only half the nail manages to grow and it looks terrible. He looks so handsome in his suit and tie, lovely cuff links, and then you look at his hands!! Oh dear - help. What to do?
So obviously with new baby, fatigue, me being grumpy (maybe the baby blues?) I just don't feel much affection toward him, and the nail-biting just erases any nice thoughts I might have had. So I booked him in for an appointment with a nail technician tomorrow to have fake nails put on. He's agreed to it, but I think he's going to bite through the R500 of fake nails... and curse me as he's going to be in having them put on in the reception where he could be seen!
(Just in case you think I'm cruel - I did not plan that part, this is where the techie works, at least it is very early on a Sat am and most of the world is not up and about)

Is it okay for a 6 week old to rule your life?

So I think we had it waxed with the feeding routines - morning, mid-morning, lunch, mid-afternoon, dinner and late night feeds, then a bit of sleep and if I'm up once or twice in the night I didn't bother. Then I started to get irritated with the 6 to 10pm crying time when D wouldn't go down without being held, and then he'd cry the minute you put him in his cot. After this an unexpected and nasty 3 hourly routine between feeds AT NIGHT started to creep in and I decided to squash this habit as I was getting used to my sleep.
It's the SLEEP patterns that I need help with. So I consulted some books and friend's advice and took some of each but decided the strict Gina Ford (don't shoot me) routine suited me perfectly. I want to know when to do what when I'm too tired to think. What's the fuss all about -the woman is marvelous - she even tells you when to eat your toast! So yesterday was our first GF day. If I tell you that I only got up ONCE in the night you will say it was successful. But this was my reward for putting up with him from 7 to 10 when he wouldn't go down and feeding him every 30 minutes. THAT is exhausting. And today is completely wonky and he didn't want to wake-up when he was meant to, or feed at the right times. I feel like I'm back to square one. What do I do? A: Keep at the GF routine for a week to see if we get it right. B: Toss the routine, follow the babies cues C: Toss the baby out the window

Vaccines - a necessary evil?

I sat on the fence for a while on this. Most people I trust do vaccinate their babies - very few don't. Do I go with the flow? The nurse said to me - there are 2 facts about living in South Africa and that is 1: You may be a victim of crime and 2: You vaccinate your children.
We live in Africa, and polio and TB are very real. In the states, there is no requirement for TB vacs. Actually I know of two cases of polio and TB, and one of these was in my family. Polio is a horrible disease, and I would hate for David to contract any disease that I could have vaccinated against.
Now when I take him out - especially to public places I'm very pleased he's safe from some of the nasties floating around.
I have not read widely about v's, but I am scared/interested/want to know more about the link (if any) btn v's and cancer and other diseases.
Just when I decide I'll do all the v's for childhood illnesses, I read a pamphlet on it and guess who sponsors the pamphlet - yes, you guessed, the pharmaceutical company. Makes you wonder?

Sleepy Heads

Never before have I been so obsessed with sleep, or used the word so much in my daily conversations! The worst thing about this adjustment period with a newborn baby is that I don't know how long it is going to last, nor do I know how long I am going to be up and down 1,2,3 or more times a night for an hour or more. Exams are easier - they're over in 3 hours. The c-sect was easy, over in an hour, the dentist... piece of cake. THIS is something else. Last week end I was so SO tired. I thought I would never be able to sleep again. I cried I was so tired. In case you're wondering, I'm an 8 hour plus person. Then I got thinking about the last few years since I gave up corporate life, the single thing I loved the most about being my own boss is that I could sleep in. I've had an over-abundance of sleep in the last few years, and now it's the opposite. I'm living proof there isn't any way to bank sleep.
I was so close to giving up breast feeding on the week end, just so I could ask Keith to give David a bottle so I could sleep. But I couldn't do that as I was so worried I would compromise my milk production. It scares me talking to other Moms about how much sleep they get, and it appears I'm in this for the LOOOONG run. All mothers are saints - don't you think?

7 Days Old - David's photo shoot

Sherissa working her magic again... I love these shots.
Keith says David will hate me for these pics all dressed up in the strawberry hat... too bad, I have to be allowed as the Mom to indulge a little and get these cute images I've had in my head.

Birth story

Remember how I said, it has to be a boy if it doesn't know which way is up or down? (Already being stubborn and won't ask for directions :-)). Well, I'm right for a change! It seems the baby knew better and the cord was wrapped around his neck twice. So despite my varied attempts to get this baby to turn around and head down, ECV, Chinese medicine/moxibustion, meditation, lying on my back on the ironing board with feet elevated, and 'talks' with the baby to get moving, it did not work and I was scheduled for a c-sect. Dr wanted it well before my due date on 2/3 Aug as he didn't want an 'emergency' situation and there was no possibility of me having a natural birth with the midwives. They don’t do breech deliveries. So after tears and a pep talk, I had a week to get my mind right and my expectations reset. My goal was for a wonderful c-sect experience, (as natural and beautiful as I envisaged the nat birth), and to get over my fears of needles/catheters and drips!

I'm pleased to say that 10 days down the line, I look back with fond memories of the 24th July. I thought I would miss being pregnant, and I don't at all. It's quite nice to have my body back!

Here's the rundown:
5am, wake up and get dressed, get car loaded - (we had 3 suitcases!!) 1 for me, Keith and Webblet. I felt excited and prepared. I had so many friends praying for me and specifically for the fact that I was feeling so nervous about surgery and my fear of needles. I felt very supported. The winter morning was crisp, the air ice-cold and the sky was bright with stars. On the way we passed the 'early worms' - runners who I used to join, doing their usual Friday morning loop, one I did many times a few months back, and I did NOT wish I was running with them. I thought to myself, this is such an important morning, how can you all carry on with your normal routines ? - we're about to welcome a very special person into the world!

At the clinic, we're escorted to our room, and I don the dreaded back-open/bum showing green gown. I'm acting calm, la la la la, looking at the pink and blue hats, wondering which one we'll be using? Eventually the lovely midwife, Henny, arrives and calmly puts up my drip - and yes she was right - this was the most painful event of the entire episode. Immediately my body kicked into gear and I felt faint and my lips went blue. I’m trying not to look at or feel the drip... but I know it is there and I still feel it. Keith is taking forever to get ready - and Henny runs me into the theatre which is buzzing with people. I get a glimpse of them unpacking some hideous looking stainless steel tools - I can only imagine the big shiny curved one is going to hold back my bladder...
The anaethetist, the paed, the surgeon all come in and say hi, and tell me exactly what they're doing. Our music, Cessaria Evora starts playing in the background and I know there is no going back. Swiftly I have the spinal block admininstered (piece of cake), moved onto the bed-with-a-hole-in-it and I'm swabbed like a large slab of white meat... feeling like a lamb to the slaughter. They tell me they're putting in the catheter (don't know as I can't feel anything) I hate the sensation of feeling-but-not-feeling. I know they're moving my legs around. My fear has always been that the anaesthetic doesn't work and I will feel the 'test' prick or slice or whatever they're going to do to check! Next thing I see the smoke rising in the theatre lights, so I can see they've hit the fat layer and are burning the blood vessels. (I know exactly what the run down is… so I know there are only a couple more layers to go) Dr Lucic whispers to me that we have 1 minute... I think Keith is holding my hand. I have a heater blowing hot air down my chest as I was shaking so much mostly due to nerves and the drugs. Then she says 'Dad, Look, there are some dangly bits". So I knew! Then she says, "It's a boy!" I looked up and saw this blue bum in the air, and our little boy was slowly birthed and placed onto my chest, wide eyed and staring out at us. I think all I could say was "It's a boy" and stroke his wet, warm little head. He had lots of hair too! We have a boy, and we have a son, and we even get to take him home with us! 2.74kg's, 51cm and PERFECT in every way. I'm in love. I think this is a serious love affair, that is going to last my whole life.

Life as we know it is about to change...

or so I'm told!
Today I'm EXCITED. I'm so pleased I've had this time to get used to the change of plans, and come into a good space about this experience. I feel gratitude this morning. I feel also a sense of calm and peace.
Last night Keith and I went out for the 'last supper' and he planted some good thoughts. I haven't ever looked at my fears objectively, and it hit me that it is completely normal and part of my survival instinct to be scared of being 'cut open'! But my body doesn't know this is planned, and part of a process and I am not going to die from this! Sometimes I really do wish thought that I was going to run the comrades rather than drive off to hospital. Actually this will be easier - I don't need to do anything but be calm.
I also believe that this can be as positive as having a natural birth and I needn't feel like I'm being sabotaged out of the experience I wanted. This will be a very special occassion, and I'm sure soon afterwards the method of delivery will be the last thing on my mind. It's surreal. I can hardly comprehend what it will be like seeing, feeling and holding my OWN child in my arms. I have wanted this experience for Keith and for me. I am so blessed that I get to have this tomorrow. Wow, we've come a long way. Driving past the fertility clinic last night made me realise again where this all started and now look at where we are! From small, small beginnings to the dawn of a new life.

Am I being unreasonable?

Today I've been doing the A-type thing again. When I went for an HSG last year, I was given FULL written instructions on what would happen, when it would happen, what I could expect/eat/drink/pain relief etc. Now, here I am going for major abdominal surgery and I have received NO information apart from a brief 5 min discussion with the gynae as to 'what could go wrong'. Now am I the only person who doesn't want surprises on c-sect day? Am I meant to just know that I cannot go to Mugg and Bean and have the Business Man's breakfast en route to the hosiptal on Friday morning? I have a million and one questions ,but I would rather be given the information than have to think of all the questions I should be asking.

To top it off, last night Keith and I went off to the clinic to 'book in' because we didn't feel like going in an extra 30 min earlier than we needed to on Friday morning to fill in all the forms, and apparently we should have been given an information pack. I got to ask the midwives on duty some of the questions I had lost sleep over the night before. But this morning I figured I still don't know what I should take to hospital? Baby clothes? Towels? Nappies?

I phoned Netcare now after having gone to the website to look for a nr - and called the 'patient liason officer' and this role or person no longer exists... so I'm now even more angry and I get passed on from person to person. Eventually I get a midwife who tries very calmly to help me. When I tried to explain how I feel about not having any information and being 'left to figure out things for myself' I am told that they only give you the information if you ask for it..... Unfortunately I'm now feeling very angry about this clinic and their lack of professionalism. I have to get over it and not let this affect Friday!

Failed ECV

I got to the clinic last night for my appointment only to find the Dr walking out of the building... he thought I wasn't coming! Clearly a lack of communication btn him and his secretary. Anyway, Keith got there too and I stared at the ants on the white ceiling while he tried to turn the baby to somersault down-wards. He told me a month ago he didn't think it would work becuase there is not enough fluid.. and it didn't. Baby didn't budge an inch. I was more afraid than sore from the procedure. He immediately checked the heart rate and it had gone to 167bpm. Webblet quickly settled down after that and I went for a precautionary NST. It was perfect, no stress seemed to have been passed onto babe - but I WAS stressed after the c-sect discussion and all the things that I need to be prepared for going wrong. I felt disappointed and sad that I was sitting in the lovely Genesis clinic where I want to have this baby, for the test, and hearing the newborns crying in the other rooms, knowing that I will most likely be having the c-sect next week in a hospital. Yes, I hate having my expectations messed up. And I have time - a week at least, to get used to the idea.
To put things in perspective I got a message from my SIL saying that like a wedding day, the birth day is just the beginning of the journey. It's not really about me, it's about bringing into the world this child in a safe manner. Yes, I want to experience natural childbirth and I may still get to do that if I have another baby. There are many positives - the baby is full-term and looking healthy and a good weight (about 2.5kg's!), I'm in safe hands with the team for the c-sect. I have a lot of support. My goal now is to be in a positive frame of mind and not emotionally distraught that my plan of natural is not going to happen. Although I'm going to give the baby another chance to turn with one last alternative remedy this evening....

Nearing the end

So I officially have 19 days to go... I'm nervous. I'm also annoyed that I've only started to slow down now because last week I slipped a disc in my back and I really couldn't walk. So I can't even do normal grocery shopping. Thank goodness I went shopping for baby stuff with my Mum and George the day before I hurt my back - so all has worked out pretty well. There are still things I need - but nothing so urgent that I can't live without it.
Keith is being amazing - and I think sometimes it is harder for me having him run around me, do the shopping, washing, hanging, bed-making etc than it is for him to do it. I feel guilty...
Anyway this afternoon whilst waiting for the gynae appointment we went through everything in the baby's room and sorted it all out. He wants to know the 'system' or 'my system' (which is non-existent!) so he can help with the webblet. He's going to be a great Dad and I am SO telling myself not to be pedantic and let him do whatever he can without saying... NO, not like that, like THIS!

I have so much to write - and it's all jumbled but here goes with some major themes ...

THE BATH: so we have not bought a bath because we can't agree or figure out how this all works. If baby is so small, can't it just fit into my laundry tub? We just figured out it can sit neatly between our two basins which are at a lovely height so as not to hurt either of our backs, so this will probably be how webblet will be washed initially. I also foresee that we won't be washing the 'whole' baby everyday - so I'm not going to buy the whole plastic basin on a stand thing. The spare bathroom which will be webblets is not big either. So I think this is a good interim solution until webblet goes into the 'big bath'. Hopefully Dad will actually get into water first and I can get him to bath webblet when he/she is a bit bigger.

THE PRAM: we have been donated a car seat - I fought with it on the first go. We don't know if it is necessary yet to have a car seat that fits into a pram. I kindof agree that it would not be great for baby to spend a lot of time asleep upright in the car seat, so waking webblet up to move from car to cot shouldn't be the end of the world.... we'll see! So as yet, no purchases on this front.

THE BREECH BABY:
This so boring now talking about this, as webblet has been breech for weeks. 3 weeks ago I started doing the crawling around thing (probably had something to do with my back too!) and I was still walking a lot in the evenings and being very active. I was so active I hung over the edge of the bath to wash all the mattresses and bits and pieces that we were given that couldn't go in the machine.. that I probably tore that cartilidge or 'disc' which is what is inflammed and now demoted me to a mere hop along. Up until last week Pregnancy was a 'walk in the park' - okay apart from the morning sickness which I'm grateful did not hang around for too long. I know this baby, it doesn't see the point in being upside down for weeks. I think if nature were to take it's course, that webblet would turn at the last minute. Gynaes are way to cautious for nature so I don't think I'll be allowed to get to this point. Dr M says that the success of him performing the ECV on me is low due to the amniotic fluid having pooled at one end around baby, rather than there being an even bath of fluid around the baby. So this afternoon's aptment was postponed til tomorrow evening, so I won't know what the plan is til then . I got a bit hopeful last night that webblet might be performing somersault tricks as I woke up with a lot of kicking and pain in my side... but I'm sure I'm still feeling this hard little head up here near my lungs.... sigh.

HYPNO THERAPY
My lovely yoga lady did an hour long session with me. I don't feel comfortable about being hypnotised. At Varsity we had Andre the hpynotist put on a 'show'. I always looked at fellow students who volunteered for hypnosis 'for our entertainment' as being slightly altered afterwards. I just felt their eyes looked weird... spooky.. I did not feel comfortable with it. So with this in mind, I never wanted to feel like I'm being hypnotised or put under some spell... :-) It just felt like a deep relaxation with me working at visualising different things. The only point worth mentioning is that at the time I was conciously and internally 'speaking' to webblet to somersault - I had major movement going on inside. I can picture this little voice, "No, not now mama, I'm having way too much fun just the way I am".

WORK STRESS
just my luck, that installations don't go smoothly or things can't get wrapped up. I HATE loose ends. I just cannot relax knowing there are things on my list. So this has been a real challenge for me. I do what I can in the morning and then I know I've done what I can then I SHOULD switch off my brain and chill . Not easy, and I can't do it. It's not how I'm wired. Fortunately I have a handful of things left...

Life in bullet points

This blogging has lost its appeal, or else I'm just boring and bored of my own life with nothing much to write about. What's happened in the last month:
1. Nausea free - for a week now and I've already forgotten what the pain of it was like. I'm so fickle.
2. Feeling my normal self again - But I hope the grumpy, irritable part of me doesn't hang around after pregancy.
3. My gyrotoniks teacher has 'kicked' me out of the class. I'm not sure why, I thought I was doing great. I'm still running and doing pilates - I have to keep up the excercise to justify all the eating I'm now doing.
4. Dietician says I can eat as much as I like, no, she said I can eat more than normal now becuase of the extra 150 minutes of excercise I'm doing a week. I need to shave 60 min off that unless I find an alternative excercise!
5. Clients come and go....
6. Job offers come and go....
7. V Day which I called Wankerstine Day this year becuase it is not for pregnant women who feel as sexy as a hippo was celebrated with Sister-in-Law George and Keith. It wasn't just the two of us, it was 3 and a half of us, and I managed to get out a great dinner after months of not feeling like being the creative chef. Woolies is my best friend for slap together meals when I have no inspiration or inclination.

Virgin Blog

My first post! A new blogger is born. I can't believe I've joined the bloggosphere. I always resist the tide of new things. I vowed I wouldn't get a cellphone - I hated the thought of being accessible all the time. Eventually I did. When MacDonalds came to town, I said I would never go there.... I did. Then when it came to blogs I thought it a terribly arrogant thing to do, sharing your postings with the world. Now I've come around to the idea. It struck me as a good way to write a diary. I'm not sure yet who I'm writing for. I can't do the pen and paper diary - it is boring without photographs and not easily shared with others. Maybe this is brought on by the distances I feel between me and family or friends that I want to share this time of my life with. Or perhaps it will be good memory bank just for me later on.

Umvemvane the name of my blog is Zulu for 'butterfly'. This is not quite the word I remember for butterfly - my nickname from childhood - back then it was uVeveshane... or something like that. Or is this my memory playing tricks on me? At least it wasn't iGundane which means 'rat' that was bestowed upon my younger sister Jo. Fortunately we don't use that name today. It doesn't apply. She grew into her new front teeth and curly hair. Let's just say that fortunately some of us are late bloomers.